Ah! Gather ‘round, my eager students, and lend your ear to this tale I weave,
Of Peter – a curious youth he was,
Whose boundless thirst for Nature’s hidden truths
Led him to wander through an enchanted wood,
And with an eager eye discern the patterns
Writ in the leaves, the trees, the very air.

But heed me well, for in this tale I share,
A cautionary note, not to dissuade
Your own pursuits of knowledge, but to show
What might befall if ever you are caught
In p-hacking’s snare. Yet, the art itself
May still entice, my friends, so listen close.

Now, as I said, young Peter chanced upon a book
That whispered darkly of an art most foul,
The twisting and contorting of raw data
To conjure false significance from naught –
This art, known as p-hacking, did Peter learn.

And so, beguiled by newfound knowledge, he
Wove a tapestry of grand illusion,
Linking village homes, trees, cows in false connections,
His magic made him seem a sage, a seer
Of hidden truths, a great Apollo of his time.

The villagers, in awe, did flock to him,
And sought his counsel on all matters great
And small – the whims of weather he foretold,
And where to dig for water, and much more.
And Peter reveled in their admiration,
Concealing well his artifice, the ploy
By which he made his magic seem quite real.

One day, a group of villagers did seek
His aid to capture a most wily wolf
That threatened home and hearth, and wreaked great woe.
And Peter, trusting in his p-hacking art,
Devised a cunning trap to snare the beast.

Alas, the trap did fail, the wolf too sly,
And in its wake, two children snatched away
By the stealthy jaws of that dread creature.
And Peter’s heart, once light and full of pride,
Now heavy, bowed with guilt and deep remorse.

In this dark hour, a wise old scholar, Graybeard,
Revealed the truth of Peter’s art – the p-hacking
Which led him to false wisdom and false fame.
And Peter, humbled, begged the sage to teach
Him the true path to knowledge, honest and pure.

So, my students, learn from Peter’s tale, be wise
In wielding p-hacking’s power, for if you’re caught
The consequences may be dire indeed.
But if you’re shrewd and heed my words with care,
The path you tread may lead you to success.
For knowledge is a double-edged sword, my friends,
And in your hands, it’s yours to wield with care.